I never know what to say about myself so I’m turning to the famous Proust Questionnaire.
What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Living inside Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory. I could have my own chocolate river and lickable wallpaper. (Which I’ve read you can order, but for some odd reason my husband said no).
What is your greatest fear?
Flying. Also being trapped or suffocated. Or drowning. Coming home and finding a stranger in the house. Strangers.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
I don’t take things seriously enough.
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
What is your most treasured possession?
My dog Shamus’ silver name tag. I’ve been wearing it around my neck ever since he was put to sleep four years ago.
Which living person do you most admire?
The guy who did something nice today for someone he didn’t know and told no one, whoever that is.
What is your current state of mind?
What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
What do you dislike most about your appearance?
My short legs.
What is the quality you like most in a man?
An open heart. And a dazzling smile.
What is the quality you like most in a woman?
The ability of a chick to be a true friend to another chick.
What words or phrases do you most overuse?
“Go fuck yourself.” I can’t help it. It always fits.
What talent would you most like to have?
Musical talent. I would love to be able to play my guitar, but I suck.
If you could change one thing about your self what would it be?
I wish I was tougher, like a New Yorker.
What would you consider your greatest achievement?
Writing a book. Hardest thing I ever did.
If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?
Hopefully someone European. I’d like to grow up in a 200 year old house speaking seven languages.
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
The man I married. At first it was Shamus, but my husband edged him out. Just slightly.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
What is your favorite occupation?
What is your most marked characteristic?
Probably my giggle. Someone told me once it sounds like a pebble rattling around in an empty Coke can.
Who are your favorite writers?
F Scott Fitzgerald, for The Great Gatsby. And Henry Rollins, for everything.
Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
What is it that you most dislike?
What is your greatest regret?
How would you like to die?
What is your motto?
Sometimes you just gotta say “what the fuck.”