Life

The New Jan Brady

March 8, 2019

Sometimes when I start a new project I get the “I’m the new Jan Brady” thing stuck in my head. I’m not sure why. It never has anything to do with why Jan Brady said she was the new Jan Brady. Jan Brady was a middle sister who wanted her own identity other than just being a middle sister so she put a black wig on and demanded everyone acknowledge how different she was until her crazy aunt Imogene Coca came over and talked her out of it. That’s pretty much all I remember, although it’s worth mentioning here Imogene Coca was also in the movie Vacation which is on right now but I’m not watching it because I’ve seen it a million times. Instead I’m watching The Karate Kid. What I should do is watch Dawn: Portrait of a Teenage Runaway, because if anyone is the new Jan Brady it’s Eve Plumb in that movie considering she plays a 15-year-old hooker, but believe it or not I couldn’t find it. IMDB did give me some similar options: Alexander, The Other Side of Dawn (about a male teenage prostitute, which I assume is a sequel to Dawn: Portrait of a Teenage Runaway), Sarah T: Portrait of a Teenage Alcoholic (with Linda Blair), Born Innocent (also with Linda Blair), Sweet Hostage (again with Linda Blair, and also Martin Sheen), and Tootsie. I don’t get it but I totally love Tootsie and that’s what I might have to now watch. Unless I go with The Exorcist because now I’m thinking about Linda Blair.

So I might be writing a new book. I already have a title, a bunch of chapter outlines and probably three chapers written, so I guess you could say I am writing a new book, but I went through so much emotional upheaval writing the last one that I’m more than a little reluctant to say I’m writing a new one. I figure I’ll just skirt the issue as long as I can and hopefully by then it’ll be magically done. I will say this one is different then Bent in every conceivable way, except to say there was a fair bit of cussing in Bent and the same goes for the new one. I’m actually a little shocked they let me get away with that much cussing in a book about yoga. I couldn’t help it. It’s called balance.

So if all goes well, the new one will be a series. I have some pretty bitchin’ titles ready to go, which is where I always start. Without the title I’m lost. I named Bent before I wrote it. I’ve named every article I’ve ever written beforehand. I named this post when I was in the bath an hour ago, got into bed, turned on the TV and wrote it. Now I have new shit to write. And I’m the new Jan Brady.

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